What To Do If....
You find yourself agreeing with a John
Grisham character that it is time to leave the practice of law. It is over. No
more. No more ringing phones, no more needy clients, no more money dances by
the mailbox, no more concerns. Off to [insert the dream destination of your
choice].
Before closing the office door, some wrapping
up must be done. First, call the State Bar (to which you have been paying money
lo these many years) for advice on what to do with all those files. Follow
their directions.
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| Off to--destination unknown |
Next, write the obituary. Here is a
suggested obit:
Deceased. Beloved practice of J.
Attorney. Age: many years. Closed this day following many battles for the
rights of others. It is survived by numerous satisfied and one, maybe two,
not-so-satisfied clients. A memorial service will be held at the home of J.
Attorney on February 26, 2013. Please bring a “passing” dish.
Finally, plan for the memorial service.
The memorial service declares that a death has occurred. It commemorates the
life that has been lived. It offers friends, family and clients the opportunity
to pay tribute to the deceased practice. So, a little planning is necessary.
What to do with the remains. What are the
remains? The bar card is the one tangible piece of evidence of our existence as
attorneys. Select a coffin for the bar card. A shoe box will do nicely. Line it
with satin or the fabric of your choice. Place the card on a little satin
pillow. Some cultures adorn the “body” with amulets for future use. You might
consider placing a yellow legal pad and a pen in the box to assist the card in
its next life.
It is probably not necessary to decorate
the outside of the box. A simple label: “Here lies the bar card of J. Attorney.
RIP” could be affixed with tape. Place the coffin in the front parlor or other
prominent place in your home for viewing. A few pictures of you in action might
be appropriate.
Cremation or burial? Cremation is viewed
by some as liberating the spirit of the deceased. Certainly your spirit will be
liberated with the demise of the card. In winter, cremation might be the best
solution. The ground is hard, it is cold and no one wants to go outside. If you
have a fireplace, use it for the cremation. If not, a barbecue grill could be
called into service. This would force folks to go outside, but only briefly.
The ashes? Scatter them about the yard or preserve them in an urn to be
displayed in a place of honor.
The service prior to the cremation also
needs to be planned. It is possible to call an acting school to hire mourners
who will wail and grieve. Not to your liking?
A more conservative approach would be to
ask people to say a few words about the practice of law. Examples: “The Law: It
has honoured us, may we honour it.” (Webster) Or “Wrest once the law to your
authority: To do a great right, do a little wrong.” (Shakespeare) On Lawyers:
“It is not, what a lawyer tells me I may do; but what humanity, reason, and
justice, tell me I ought to do.” (E. Burke)
Or, the line we all know so well: “The
first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” (Shakespeare)
Following the lengthy eulogies, the
assigned pallbearers can carry the “coffin” to the fireplace for disposal.
Carefully placing the coffin on its funeral pyre you light the fire. A toast
might be in order (see above for suggested words). A ceremonial tossing of the
paper cups into the fireplace would be appropriate. Once the remains are
reduced to ashes, they can be scattered to the four winds in your back yard.
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You are off and running. Back to the law.
All other plans are canceled. For as Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “The life of
the law has not been logic; it has been experience.” When all is said and done,
we do enjoy the experience.
Read more light-hearted essays capturing the essence of lawyers and lawyering in "Why Do We Do That? Commentary on lawyers and the law."
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